Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Lord, I am so small and your universe is so huge
I identify so completely with the thoughts of this psalmist; who indeed am I, or any one of us, that an all powerful God should care at all, or even notice us? I hear the atheists clamouring to answer this question with a resounding, He doesn't, because He doesn't exist! And yet, it was thoughts like this that made me start to question His existence in the first place. The world is at times so beautiful, and my experience of it so achingly profound that I refuse to accept that all I am, all WE are, is a ragbag of cells and connections, with no greater meaning or purpose than the instinct to not die.
Is this because I'm over-sentimental? Emotionally flaky? Terrified to face the 'blind, pitiless indifference' that Dawkins speaks of and therefore desperate to believe in anything to take away the 'sting' of death? Perhaps it's all those things...or perhaps not.
The world is a truly remarkable place, but it is our interaction and pointless enjoyment of it that is most incredible. I write pointless, because there is no need for us to enjoy our environment; it isn't essential to my survival that I should find the smell of my garden after a summer rainstorm so intoxicating, or that certain music by Sigur Ros should make my chest ache with bitter-sweet emotion when I hear it, or that I should be so moved and captivated by the minute perfection of my baby boy's hands. No, I enjoy these things because there is more to be had from my existence than mere survival.
Is it so hard to believe that we really might be that incredible and unique, and yet fallible and broken...but still loved, and valued and eternally precious? Go with it. Live with the notion that you really are amazing. You're no mistake. You are meant to be here. There is meaning woven into every part of your day. There's someone who is bigger than you, bigger than This, bigger than all of us. And if that concept is too much for you, then perhaps I'm not the only one who's emotionally flaky...